I Ain't Doin' It by Heather Land

Author:Heather Land
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Howard Books

CHAPTER 11

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CHURCH DO’S AND DON’TS

I grew up cutting my teeth on the church pews. When I was a baby, the pastor of the church would tote me around onstage for everybody to see my frilly dresses and chubby cheeks. My family helped keep those doors open and the staff paid with their tithe and offering for years on end.

Some of my earliest memories are of me lying in the pew when church went too long on a Sunday night. In between naps, I would draw on the tithe envelopes and eat Certs that my daddy always seemed to have in his coat pocket. My family took up the whole stinkin’ row. Grandparents, uncle, aunt and great-grand on one end, my mom, dad, me and at least one or two of my little friends on the other—usually Sara Beth. Sara was one of my best friends growing up. She was a terrible child, and by terrible, I mean she would get so angry (for whatever reason) during church that she would claw her mother’s pantyhose off. My dad took her out in the foyer many a Sunday to give her mom some relief and Sara’s rear end a beat-down. Sara grew up, and, to my knowledge, never clawed any more pantyhose from the legs of another human being ever again. I saw her over Christmas while in the presence of her mother and I detected no anger issues whatsoever. Our friendship also proved to have no visible negative side effect on me, unless you count that time we got into a catfight and she scratched my face like her nails were nickels and my face was a lottery ticket. I digress . . .

Sometimes my sweet granddaddy would get up on Sunday nights and sing a hymn while Norma Lynn played the piano. This could quite possibly be where the seeds of my career as a worship leader were planted deep into my soul. I thought my granddaddy was wonderful. And ancient. My grandparents were the best things since sliced bread. My little granny, alive and well, is still the greatest lady I know. Both of them took home our church’s esteemed awards of Father of the Year and Mother of the Year. Their presence in my life always made me feel safe and that this must be how Jesus loves me. If He was with me right now, surely, He would also let me crawl up in His lap and tell me how sweet and beautiful I am.

Growing up, my parents had their church friends over on Friday nights to play Rook while all of us kids played like it was our last night on earth. Matt Ingram, Sara Beth’s brother, dragged me down the hall by my feet so many times that I had carpet burns running down both sides of my back on the regular. I guess it ran in the family. We had quite the crew when we were young. I can’t remember how many times I played with Sandy Ross and April Deere after church on Sunday afternoons.

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